Starbucks is for Suckers

Starbucks is usually open from 5 AM to 9 PM. You can find them anywhere, but no matter what time it is, there are always at least 10 customers inside. It is also statistically proven that at least 80% of the customers inside any given Starbucks location at any given time are white. But here's the thing - their coffee is absolute sh*t. If I had to rate it on a scale from Ford to Ferrari, it would be a f*cking bicycle.

You're essentially paying for a green straw and a logo that some 8-year-old kid copied and pasted from a playing card. It's the Chinese knock-off of the Mona Lisa.


So $0.10 for the coffee and $2.90 for the branding. Just so your little 8th grade girl friends are impressed with your $5 weekly allowance. Sadly, this isn't even as popular as the Frappucinos. Those taste worse than vanilla ice cream topped with ketchup and sprinkles of dog sh*t. They just toss ice, chocolate, sugar, and piss into a blender and serve that garbage to you for $5. You're better off drinking a McDonald's Frappucino, and they put LAXATIVES in that sh*t.

If you want good coffee and retention of any respect, make your coffee at home.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How To Get The Best Service at Any Restaurant

Image
Today, I came up with a brilliant idea before I went out to lunch. However, I have to admit that I haven't tried this yet. But anyways, here's the idea. Buy a Yelp t-shirt or something like that. Or maybe a shirt that says, "I award Michelin stars". Something that shows that you are a food critic.  just go to CustomInk and print this front and center ;) my kind of polo logo Now, no matter what your awesome t-shirt says, you still have to look classy. Maybe you want to Sharpie on a fake Polo logo. Or it may be easier just to wear a sport coat over top. If you walk in there looking like it's the first day of 5th grade, you'll have a tough time selling the role.  Anyways, if any manager or owner gives a single sh*t about their online presence, they will serve you like you are the son of the Prince of Nigeria, you feel me? So sit back, and enjoy your amazing service. If not, then you have a plan B. Wonton always has a plan B. If you get crappy
Read more

The Completely Unnecessary Stress of College: Part 1

Image
Hey everyone, In my humble, professional, and unexaggerated opinion, I believe that college courses, especially general education classes, put unnecessary amounts of stress on students. Enough stress to make someone like Mohandas Gandhi want to pull his own eyeball out. Take for example this class called Student Development that I'm enrolled in. I am genuinely ENRAGED that I had to spend $200 and 2 hours a week to learn about how to set goals or how to join a college club. Are you serious? To the dean - my dude I came out the womb with goals you feel me? For 8 weeks, that's a total of 16 hours of my life down the drain!!! Do you know what I can do with 16 hours? Give me 16 hours and cancer is cured. Forget Susan G. Komen it's the freaking "Wonton Walk to Celebrate the End of Cancer." I'm essentially getting robbed by a modern-day education I am not happy about it. If you want cancer to be cured, stop making a computer science major learn about ART HISTORY or
Read more

WE NEED URINAL DIVIDERS

Image
How hard is it to buy some f*cking urinal dividers? My high school has some of the richest b*tches in the state. Chicks walkin up in here with a f*cking Louis Vuitton bag in one hand and Tropical Smoothie in another. Like you can pay $30 billion to build this place and then you can't afford a few blocks of plastic? What the f*ck is my tax money being used for? For your dumb*sses to sit in government and act like you're doing something productive? Talk to me when I can't see Professor Wang's little ding-dong on break you idiots. What did they expect to happen? Probably this: *Kim Jong Un and Trump are peeing next to each other* Kim Jong Un: "That's a nicely sized penis you got there bro" Trump: "Hey thanks man, I really appreciate that. Yours is pretty nice too!" *they fist bump* In reality, this is what actually happens. Kim Jong Un: "That's a nicely sized penis you got there bro" Trump: "Thanks little d*ck boi.&quo
Read more