Three Reasons Why Soccer Moms Suck
Obviously, we all love and appreciate our caring soccer moms. They do a ton of awesome things, which far outweigh the annoying things that they do. With that in mind, here are three reasons why soccer moms suck.
1) They worry to much about their child's safety.
It's great that they care, but honestly your kid most likely did not break his leg when he tripped. Moms will go absolutely bonkers if they see their kid hit the deck no matter what happened. Also, in the hotter months they pack a whole gallon of sunscreen for the first half for their kid. As a former player, I know that the scent of some coconut sunscreen makes me want to lie down, not ball out on these nerds on the other team. Honestly, just let them tough it out. Stuff like this makes them soft. And we hate soft kids.
2) Aggressive Drivers
Behind pizza delivery drivers, soccer moms are arguably the most aggressive kind of drivers on the road at 5:58 on a Tuesday night. And we all know exactly what this entails. Mom was too busy commenting on her bff's Facebook post when you were supposed to leave and then she ends up doing 96 in a 69 mph zone. That sh*t is dangerous fam. Especially when soccer moms only drive one of two types of cars: a 2005 Honda Odyssey or a huge motherf*cking Chevy Tahoe XXXL with nitrous. The thing gets like 2.6 miles per gallon in the city and 6.9 on the highway.
3) Little to no knowledge of the rules
Mom: *recording the game on her iPad*
"Johnny, kick it! kick it harder! get back! offsides ref! ref that was a touchdown!! I mean field goal!!"
Dad: "Susanne you sound bout dumb as sh*t right now honey"
Mom: "Shut the f*ck up Johnny runnin slow as hell because he got genes from your fat a*s."
*Dad looks at his thighs in shame*
Did you laugh? Hopefully you did. Leave your thoughts below and subscribe to the blog using the button at the top of the page!
1) They worry to much about their child's safety.
It's great that they care, but honestly your kid most likely did not break his leg when he tripped. Moms will go absolutely bonkers if they see their kid hit the deck no matter what happened. Also, in the hotter months they pack a whole gallon of sunscreen for the first half for their kid. As a former player, I know that the scent of some coconut sunscreen makes me want to lie down, not ball out on these nerds on the other team. Honestly, just let them tough it out. Stuff like this makes them soft. And we hate soft kids.
2) Aggressive Drivers
Behind pizza delivery drivers, soccer moms are arguably the most aggressive kind of drivers on the road at 5:58 on a Tuesday night. And we all know exactly what this entails. Mom was too busy commenting on her bff's Facebook post when you were supposed to leave and then she ends up doing 96 in a 69 mph zone. That sh*t is dangerous fam. Especially when soccer moms only drive one of two types of cars: a 2005 Honda Odyssey or a huge motherf*cking Chevy Tahoe XXXL with nitrous. The thing gets like 2.6 miles per gallon in the city and 6.9 on the highway.
 |
| I ain't gon lie tho this mom looking like a finger-lickin good postgame snack. |
Mom: *recording the game on her iPad*
"Johnny, kick it! kick it harder! get back! offsides ref! ref that was a touchdown!! I mean field goal!!"
Dad: "Susanne you sound bout dumb as sh*t right now honey"
Mom: "Shut the f*ck up Johnny runnin slow as hell because he got genes from your fat a*s."
*Dad looks at his thighs in shame*
Did you laugh? Hopefully you did. Leave your thoughts below and subscribe to the blog using the button at the top of the page!
Remove some pict. For nice pagespeed
ReplyDeletejust removed one. thanks for the tip and also for reading! have a great day!
DeleteAmazingly true, I’m geeked
ReplyDelete