Lazy Wonton Blogs

I have something really important to tell you, reader. Life is super super short. I read once that if we treat the history of humanity as 1 day, we each are only here for approximately one hour. When we die, the rest of the world moves on without a hitch. I hate to break it to you, but our lives are insignificant. Steve Jobs died in 2011, but Apple is still thriving, isn't it? You might be saying to yourself, "Wow thanks Wonton, I'm now depressed." My response would simply be that your life being short and insignificant gives you all the reason to do more of what you love every single moment of every day. We humans take life far too seriously, and this mindset is spreading like the 2009 swine flu craze. Please please get this through your head - you are going to die soon.  That's not a joke. Lights out. Sure, it may not be for a while. But it could be tomorrow. You could even have a heart attack at this very moment. Unlikely? Yes. Impossible? Nope. Take a seco

Is buzz cut one word or two? Doesn't matter because everyone knows exactly what's going on. It's the ideal haircut for summer because it lets you feel the breeze as you're riding your pocket bike to McDonald's. For full sexiness, I got a super slick skin fade as well.  I can't tell you how many times some ding dong has asked me if I'm joining the military. If you're trying to roast me, you're doing a really terrible job because I left all my f*cks (and my hair) at the barber shop about a week ago. So that "insult" goes in one ear and out the other. (more on that later) On a serious note, I know objectively that a classic side part might be more physically appealing. BUT it takes effort to maintain and sends off a very "I care" vibe. Because I did care. I blew dry my hair every morning with a round brush and applied Royal Crown pomade for a clean comb over. If a girl didn't find me attractive, it'd be a littl

It's been a hot minute y'all my b. I know you guys have been asking for more Lazy Wonton so here it is. I realize that back in the early days of this blog I was a chronic complainer, especially about college being boring, hard, and most importantly - a cold, hard scam. I'm at a "big boy" college now which costs over 3x more than community college and the education is no better. I'm in a biology class with 269 other people (hehe), which is unheard of at most community colleges. Side note: f*ck biology I guarantee you that once summer comes I couldn't even tell you the difference between a plant cell and animal cell. Also, I'm pretty sure not a single professor knows my name. Trust me, they will when I start my company and start talking mad trash about this university until they lower their tuition to the price of "on the house".  I have this one Asian lady for a professor this semester ( I will expose her if I get 10,000 views on thi

College sucks. A lot. I mean friends and parties and crack cocaine are cool but studying is no fun, especially when you don't care about the course material. Here are 3 tips that have helped me get through the first few days of college. Hopefully these tips will help you too. 1) Study at school. Studying at school makes it infinitely easier. If you're at home, you're always tempted to hurry up and finish so you can get back on Twitter or something. Also, if you get stuck on something, it's super easy to get frustrated and give up. Avoid this by studying in the library or another location filled with people being productive, so that you are inspired to be just as productive. 2) Study with a buddy. This is a win win win situation. Situation 1 - You both understand the material and therefore will kick ass on the next exam. Situation 2 - You are struggling on the homework and your friend can help you. Then you both proceed to kick ass on the exam. Situation 3 - Nei

Apple is a joke. I'd be pissed if I found out my phone was being slowed down on purpose, but luckily I didn't buy a piece of garbage iPhone. I'm Team Android, my friends. The problem with buying iPhones is that there is no competitive market. No other company can produce phones running iOS so they can charge whatever they want. Absolutely ridiculous. People think the iPhone X is so cool with is edge-to-edge display but it's actually nothing new. This is the Essential Phone, which retails for 1/2 of the iPhone X. I'm not even gonna put a picture of an iPhone X because I will refuse to advertise for Apple. And Face ID? That's been out since before the Holy Bible was written! My grandpa's Nokia flip phone has face unlock! I'm kidding obviously, but Androids have had face unlock since like 2011. This is just one feature in a long list of features that have been copied from Android. So why do people buy iPhones? I can't speak for everyone but I kno

How hard is it to buy some f*cking urinal dividers? My high school has some of the richest b*tches in the state. Chicks walkin up in here with a f*cking Louis Vuitton bag in one hand and Tropical Smoothie in another. Like you can pay $30 billion to build this place and then you can't afford a few blocks of plastic? What the f*ck is my tax money being used for? For your dumb*sses to sit in government and act like you're doing something productive? Talk to me when I can't see Professor Wang's little ding-dong on break you idiots. What did they expect to happen? Probably this: *Kim Jong Un and Trump are peeing next to each other* Kim Jong Un: "That's a nicely sized penis you got there bro" Trump: "Hey thanks man, I really appreciate that. Yours is pretty nice too!" *they fist bump* In reality, this is what actually happens. Kim Jong Un: "That's a nicely sized penis you got there bro" Trump: "Thanks little d*ck boi.&quo